Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
