what if every blade of grass was a penis?
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
oh god was she eating orange peels again
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
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