You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
Your topless pictures make me question reality
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
