its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Randomize
