You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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