My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
