He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
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