went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
