My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
Randomize
