she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Randomize
