Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Randomize
