Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Randomize
