she looked like the bat from fern gully.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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