Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
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