Your face is a jimmy john
when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
Randomize
