I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
