i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
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