Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
Plan B is the new Plan A
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
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