This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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