I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
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