We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Randomize
