U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
