I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
