My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
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