Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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