Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
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