So I think I might still secretly love him despite the ass licking...
Hey ass licking is a very nice and intimate thing! Don't discredit your feelings
But what if he licks everyones ass?
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
Randomize
