Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
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