onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Randomize
