I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
Randomize
