You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Randomize
