mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
I think I sprained my soul last night
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
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