Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Randomize
