My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
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