god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished�
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Randomize
