I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
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