You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
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