Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
birth control should be required to get into college
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
Randomize
