Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
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