we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Randomize
