This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
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