OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
Randomize
