Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
Randomize
