I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
