somebody snuck up and got me drunk
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
I need to sanitize my soul.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
Randomize
