I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
Randomize
