Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
Someone stole a lamp last night.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
