I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
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