You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
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