The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
