Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
